She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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