Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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