i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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