Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
