I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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