So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
