I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
