whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
