how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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