Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
