Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
