I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
