omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
