Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
