Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize