I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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