I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
