i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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