i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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