dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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