Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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