I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
as a side note pls kill me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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