Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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