We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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