And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
