She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
