Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
