I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
