Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
