he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
