Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
