He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
