please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
