While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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