Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
