My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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