The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
