the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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