btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
