Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
