Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
