Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
