weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
