duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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