so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
