She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
