what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
COCAINE IS GR8
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
