So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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