Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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