the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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